i would punch a child for taco bell
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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