I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
