I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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