just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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