u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
