i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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