so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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