Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
