Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
