Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
