I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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