I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
