We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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