my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
