were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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