I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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