For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
