Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
