I just threw up on my dentist
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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