i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
