Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
