that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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