Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
