she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
