Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
