Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
