I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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