Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
