just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
