There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
