True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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