would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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