Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
