Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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