im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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