Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
