Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice