why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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