I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work