What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night