Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

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  (978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis http://tfl.nu/3jq7
  Replies (8) Good night (897) Bad night (3932)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket

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  (615): i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket http://tfl.nu/krhl
  Replies (14) Good night (2602) Bad night (3826)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.

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  (312): I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix. http://tfl.nu/qngr
  Replies (63) Good night (4834) Bad night (1822)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

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  (609): you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single http://tfl.nu/hya7
  Replies (20) Good night (1083) Bad night (4836)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

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  (785): Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok http://tfl.nu/c6qb
  Replies (7) Good night (3120) Bad night (762)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...

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  (217): he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon... http://tfl.nu/u7gi
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (712)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.

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  (724): Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/u2pl
  Replies (5) Good night (1529) Bad night (552)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.

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  (803): High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice. http://tfl.nu/ko1b
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (494)
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  (760): View more from California

  This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes

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  (760): This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes http://tfl.nu/v44x
  Replies (2) Good night (1177) Bad night (532)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!

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  (616): I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS! http://tfl.nu/eric
  Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (425)
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  (707): View more from California

  Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.

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  (707): Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got. http://tfl.nu/yk6y
  Replies (5) Good night (457) Bad night (1459)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.

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  (757): and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm. http://tfl.nu/2rbo
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (269)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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  (315): My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD http://tfl.nu/z1nh
  Replies (10) Good night (1532) Bad night (443)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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  (515): I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter. http://tfl.nu/6fb4
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (266)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober

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  (989): you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/1g6r
  Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (102)

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