if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He passed out mid-signature
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
