when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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