I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
