I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
