She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
