Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
