Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
