lets start a swedish sibling band together
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
