Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
