The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
