This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
