i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
