Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
