apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
