I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
