my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
