Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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