There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
