I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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