So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize