I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
