just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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