Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I look better un-naked...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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