There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
