Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
