I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
