I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
