fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
