She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
