So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
