3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
