Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
