Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
