Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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