i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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