Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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