Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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