nut hugger
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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