Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
