so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
