Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
