its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
