Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
